The million-dollar question every driven, goal-oriented, successful woman I know is asking is some version of the same thing:
How do I balance it all?
I’ve asked myself this question hundreds of times.
I’ve heard it on social media, in good girlfriend conversations and even at church.
How do I balance being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, leader, professional, and still take care of myself?
But I think we’re asking the wrong question.
Because when most of us say balance, what we really mean is:
How do I do everything I want to do, for everybody who needs me, really well, all at the same time?
Being a great wife who fills in the gaps for her husband whenever needed.
Being the mom you dreamed of being before you actually had kids. PTA. Chaperoning. Carpool. Homework. Fun mom. Responsible mom.
Being the IT family member. The one who keeps up with everyone and shows up for the crisis, the celebrations and all the life in between.
Being the friend your girls can always count on.
Serving your community.
Serving your church.
And being in the top 10% of your profession.
Actually, let’s be honest.
Top 1%. Because that’s what winners do.
We call this balance.
But what we’re really trying to do is everything, all the time, really well.
And it’s unrealistic.
It’s also unsustainable.
Maybe the answer isn’t getting better at balance.
Maybe the answer is order.
Balance starts with everything on the table.
Then asks:
How do I make all of this fit?
Order asks:
Does all of this still belong?
That’s a very different question.
My latest “new” season started sometime in 2024, but I don’t think I fully understood what was happening until 2025.
What I thought would be a season of ramping up became a season of slowing down.
More became less.
And as I’ve looked back at certain periods of my life that I thought were normal, I can now see that some of them were actually supernatural.
God graced me to carry the weight of those seasons.
It wasn’t just my drive.
It wasn’t just discipline.
It wasn’t because I was exceptionally capable.
God uniquely graced me to carry that weight for that time.
And I’ve had to learn something in this season:
Previous capacity isn’t necessarily current ability.
Just because I could carry that much before doesn’t mean I can carry it now.
But there’s another side to this.
Some of you are reading this thinking:
But I can handle a lot.
And you probably can.
Some of us are uniquely gifted and graced with an unusual capacity to carry more.
You can lead the team, manage the family, serve at church, build the business, show up for everybody and somehow still get it all done.
And that’s exactly what can make it harder to recognize when something is out of order.
Because everything still looks good.
The business is growing.
The promotion came.
The kids are doing well.
You’re still showing up.
You’re still producing.
You’re still winning.
Sometimes your competence can hide your disorder.
And for successful women, that can play out in very different ways.
Sometimes there is a great fall.
The breakdown.
The marriage that has been quietly suffering.
The moment in the boardroom or on the public platform when you simply can’t hold it together anymore.
And because you’ve been entrusted with much, the impact of your disorder may not stop with you.
There may be a family, a team, an organization, a ministry or an audience affected by what happens when you fall.
But sometimes there is no great fall.
Sometimes you keep succeeding.
You get the promotion.
You receive the award.
Your name gets called.
People celebrate the very life that you privately know doesn’t feel right anymore.
And you stand there smiling while a part of you feels like a fraud.
Not because you aren’t talented.
Not because you didn’t earn the opportunity.
Not because you aren’t capable.
But because your outer life is telling one story while your inner life is telling another.
This isn’t criticism.
And it isn’t shame.
It’s a caution and a reminder.
Your capacity is a gift.
But your capacity doesn’t determine the order.
God does.
Capacity is about what you can carry. Order is about what you should carry.
And those aren’t always the same thing.
Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you’re supposed to keep doing it.
Some things belong to a season.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us:
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
A season.
Meaning everything isn’t for always.
And everything isn’t for now.
You have to know what season you’re in.
Because you can’t put your life in order if you’re still trying to live according to the demands of a season that has ended.
And order doesn’t always mean less.
Sometimes it will require you to slow down.
Sometimes it will require you to move.
Sometimes it will require you to build.
Order isn’t necessarily about doing less. It’s about doing what belongs.
In this season, order has looked like a lot of seemingly small things.
For more than a year, I’ve written my thoughts on this platform, not always knowing exactly where the writing was going or what it would become.
And that writing has opened doors for me to share my story on podcasts and in person.
I’ve kept my hands open.
I’ve probably had more coffee and lunch dates with women over the past year than I have in years.
Not because I was networking.
Not because I was trying to figure out what they could do for me.
Not because every conversation needed to lead somewhere.
I’ve prayed with women.
Connected them to resources.
Shared what I knew.
Listened.
Laughed.
Sat with them in whatever they were navigating.
I’ve spent plenty of time gazing out of the window while I sit at my desk journaling, reading and writing.
Taking long walks at the park.
Being present with my family in all the little ways.
There was a time when much of this would have felt too small to me.
Not productive enough.
Not strategic enough.
Not measurable enough.
But I’m learning that productive and important aren’t always the same thing.
And maybe some of the most important things God asks us to do won’t immediately look productive at all.
During the first week of the year, I heard the Lord say:
You are substituting My plans for your plans. It’s the order. I am able to strategically move because you’re in order.
That word felt like honey to my soul.
Because it felt like God’s acknowledgment of this season.
His approval of my surrender to the slow.
And the more I sat with it, I realized:
It’s the order.
I had spent years trying to figure out balance when God was teaching me about order.
And maybe that’s what some of us have been missing too.
You don’t balance everything. You put it in order.
And order requires priority.
I could easily tell you what my priorities were:
God.
Family.
Career.
But if you looked at my actual life during certain seasons, you might have seen something different.
I woke up thinking about work.
I laid in bed thinking about work.
I checked my email before work.
Work got some of my best thinking.
My best energy.
My attention.
Meanwhile, I hadn’t thought twice about what needed to be done around the house or dinner prep.
And time with the Lord?
Sometimes rushed.
Sometimes non-existent.
I said God was first.
But did my life show it?
Jesus said in Matthew 6:33:
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness...”
First.
That’s order.
Not everything can be first.
And not everything that matters can have the same priority at the same time.
That’s why order requires us to be honest.
Is God truly at the center of my life?
And is there verifiable fruit?
Does the way I spend my time reflect what I say matters most?
What am I carrying simply because I’ve always carried it?
What am I still doing because I’m good at it, not because I’m called to it?
What has God actually asked of me right now?
Those questions are harder than asking how to better manage your calendar.
Because sometimes the answer isn’t a new system.
Sometimes something has to come off the calendar.
And then there’s Martha.
Martha was doing good things.
She was serving.
She was being responsible.
But in Luke 10:41–42, Jesus said:
“Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful...”
Many things.
That’s the part that gets me.
Because many of us are really good at many things.
We can lead the meeting, make dinner, answer the email, serve at church, help the friend, handle the crisis and remember that somebody needs a poster board for school tomorrow.
We can do many things.
The question is whether God is asking us to.
Not everything that is good is necessary right now.
Not everything you’re capable of doing needs to be done by you.
And not everything that belonged in your last season belongs in this one.
Maybe you don’t need another planner.
Maybe you don’t need another productivity hack.
Maybe you don’t need to figure out how to balance it all.
Maybe you need to sit at His feet long enough to ask:
Lord, what is the order?