“I’ve been a keeper of chaos since I was six years old.”
The words slipped out of my mouth so naturally, like water from a stream.
It was 2020, one of the most chaotic years in modern history.
While everything external screamed disorder, internally, God was cultivating clarity.
Chaos had been my rhythm for so long that I didn’t even realize it had become familiar.
My next-door neighbor was wrestling with identity, aging, illness, and the loss of who he once was.
I was wrestling with identity, too, but in a different way. I was learning to give myself permission to be who I already was.
God was inviting me onto a new path, one marked by surrender and adventure, where I could meet a version of myself I’d never known before.
I had to choose: keep living the way I’d always lived or surrender to the path God was opening.
My neighbor loved to cook, and I loved to eat.
It was a perfect match.
He was an older Black man from Savannah, and I was a Georgia girl raised on my grandmother’s country cooking.
He’d cook, or boss me around in the kitchen, and I’d talk. He’d listen.
He gave me something I didn’t realize I needed: a safe space to just be.
He didn’t try to fix me. He just let me talk.
And in the middle of quarantine, I ate better than I had in years.
Because he was a veteran, I had access to the commissary: fresh produce, quality meats, and even my bougie favorites like LaCroix and coconut water with pineapple juice.
While others faced food scarcity, I was tasting God’s provision in unexpected ways.
At the same time, I was meeting weekly with my pastor on Zoom.
He carried the weight of two frontline callings during COVID, both spiritual and emotional, Senior Pastor and Professional Counselor.
To have someone call forth who you really are, especially after years of being unseen and undervalued, is transformative.
His willingness to make time for me while carrying the weight of the world was a rare and special kind of gift.
God was positioning me to not just survive, but to live.
He was inviting me into healing, wholeness, and thriving.
The world was shut down, but my world, my voice, my vision, and my gifts were being activated.
I had chased every book, course, and coach trying to “find myself.”
But God was giving me a personalized curriculum, and I wasn’t the teacher.
The only lesson plan was surrender.
And like so many women I’m called to, high-functioning but secretly exhausted, surrender wasn’t easy.
But it was the only way forward.
God wasn’t revealing my identity, He was activating it.
You were designed with identity in mind.
Many of us waste so much time, energy, and money chasing purpose apart from our God-given identity.
Your identity has to be actualized through surrender, not striving.
That season became the foundation for what I now call the ICON Method, a framework that helps women anchor in their unique God-given design, align their story with His story, and live purposefully from a place of surrender.
Because:
Identity is God-given. Purpose is pursued. Surrender is the bridge.
Reflection
What area of your life have you been trying to control that God is asking you to surrender?
This is often the shift point, where identity becomes activated in a deeper way and purpose begins to unfold.
If this spoke to you, share it with another woman who’s learning to live from surrender.
You are a wordsmith my dear. Well shared